Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
