Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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