Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
