I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
