and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
