She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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