Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
