She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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