she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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