birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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