You can't special order awesome
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
