your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
