Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
