well most of my day revolves around power hour
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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