My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
