VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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