your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My balls are so social today.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
