Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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