Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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