I hope mine doesn't look like that
she looked like the before picture.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sorry about my life...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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