one two three fourrrrnication!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
