have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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