I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am available for nakedness
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
