bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
