Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Vodka?
Forever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
