She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
