so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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