Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You need a sexual gate keeper
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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