I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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