College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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