It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
as a side note pls kill me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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