She's JV to your varsity
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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