1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
