Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
