well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
