my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize