i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
