I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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