Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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