today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You've changed since you got that strap on
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
