why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
