Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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