After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
