I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
