Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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