I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
