I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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