My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
