Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
