we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
