oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
