so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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