When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
