i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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