K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
