What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
