Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
