oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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