so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
