No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
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YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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