I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
