Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He better not be in your backpack
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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