Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
