What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
