sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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