To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
