yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
