I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
