final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
