my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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