It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
