How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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