shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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