I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
