I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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