If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
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Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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