Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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