i used baking grease as lip gloss
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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