I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
