What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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