Just cropdusted the office
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
