u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
