The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
