i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
