I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
