well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
