Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
