Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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