so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
