i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
